The Day After

I am disappointed and surprised by the results of the election. But am I going to let my recovery suffer because of it?

Today I wake up with a new-found conviction and gratitude for OA and its Spiritual principles. I remind myself that with my Higher Power, whom I call God, we can do anything. I am powerless over people who do not have recovery or who do not live by the principles found in the 12 Steps; but I am not powerless over how I practice the principles in all MY affairs.

I start by following my food plan and remaining abstinent so I can be clear to receive God’s will for me. I then continue my daily routine as if it were any other Wednesday. Next I will take my fears and resentments through the steps. I can remember that I have a program of recovery that teaches me how to deal with my fears and resentments so I do not have to react nor take it out on anyone else. I certainly do not want to have to make amends later for something I say or do now.  Right now, today, I am safe. I can breathe freely.

Then, I can be available to others who may need a little extra support today. I do not have to tell them how to feel, but I can remind them to look for gratitude in their own lives and ask what they can do to showcase and be examples of their own principles and values.

I trust my Higher Power. I trust Him because I can look back on my life and see He has always been with me. Therefore I know He is with me now as well. He has not “done this” or “allowed this to happen.” It is now up to me to turn to Him instead of the food to show others that good does exist and will prevail.

I am grateful I have a program of recovery and a relationship with my Higher Power.

God’s is Not a Quid-Pro-Quo Relationship, or is it?

“I’m doing my part! When are you going to do yours?” This has become my lamentation to God lately. This assumes a couple of things: 1) I know how the relationship with God works; and 2), it is a give and take relationship.

Am I really doing my part? How do I know? Who determined what my part was? And I like this question better: Who determined what His part was? The answer is the same – I did. The great and powerful, I. Me. And I am judging how well He is doing too! Boy, do I have a set!

The truth is, I am tired and angry because I am human. My expectation was if only I can stay abstinent through “all this” then I will be just fine. (Do we all know what F.I.N.E. stands for? Freaking out. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional.) If I can stay abstinent through all this then I will be able to show others that it is possible to live life on life’s terms without self-medicating. I could be a role-model. Maybe I could help someone else through a hard time. And here I am, still abstinent, barely. But so angry. So tired and beaten down by this treatment and wanting nothing more than myself back. No, that’s not true. I want the relationship I had with my Higher Power back. I want that trusting, fun-loving I would do anything for you relationship we had.

It bothers me that life can get in the way of that relationship so easily. It bothers me that “just putting the food down” and losing weight isn’t enough to keep that relationship.  Apparently God isn’t “a pound of flesh” kind of guy.

So, what does he want from me before I get what I want from Him? Let’s look at that. I believe I already received the Grace from God. I think that happened without my even asking. I believe, I truly, deeply believe I am a spiritual miraculous gift and I receive grace every moment. Now, what can I do in return? I can say Thank You. In my actions. In my words. In my thoughts. God did not give me cancer but he can help me through the treatment. He did not make me a compulsive overeater, but he can show me how to live in recovery, just for today. All I need do is remember. And trust. If I’m not careful I just may learn something.