The Wrens are Home!

If I were to restart my blog, what would I say?

Forgive me followers, it’s been about four years since my last post.

I wrote only two posts in 2017. I didn’t want to have a political blog. I didn’t want to have a negative blog. And, unfortunately, because of the state of our politics, I was in a negative place. I also had become much busier in my own life – but that’s just an excuse.

The truth was, I didn’t want to admit my truth. I was slipping and sliding and fell into a relapse. I had a miserable time with people, places, and things. It finally culminated with my losing my job, my mother, and my ability to walk. I preferred the isolation this pandemic was forcing us into. I could close the blinds, turn off the phone, and no one would think twice.

However, that is not the way my Higher Power had written my story. He knows, more than most, that I am not a negative person.

I kept getting signs to restart Wren’s Home. I would see the wrens darting about in the backyard in the spring and summer. I would hear them on the days when the windows were open. There was even a day at work when one sang outside my window. But I couldn’t. I had nothing to say that anyone needed to hear – or so I thought. I allowed a couple of people at my last job to take my self-esteem and trample it beneath their feet. I finally had had enough and walked out. I am told I need to remind myself of that:

I had had enough and walked out.

And that, I thought, was that. Except this week I heard about a similar job that might be interested in me. God, what are you doing? I have learned that my responsibility is to do the footwork and then leave the results to God. In this case, all I had to do was send in a resumé, cover letter, and a couple of references. Easy peasy. I had no trouble writing a letter about why no one should ever hire me. Okay, self-pity out of the way, let’s try again. Let’s try writing this as if for another person. Geez, just stop trying so hard! I want my mommy!

Mom died a few months ago, relatively quickly, but boy, do I miss her. Especially in times like this. I would share my feelings with her; she’d bark at me to snap out if it! “Be yourself, but not too much!” she would advise; then she would say she loved me no matter what.

I finished the footwork and sent it out. Then sat and had a good cry. I called a friend and that helped a lot too. I didn’t try to stuff the feelings down; I let them wash over me until they passed. And they did. Whatever happens next is in God’s hands. I did my part so far. All I have to do now is keep showing up.  

I hope my followers are still out there. I’m sorry if you feel I let you down. Perhaps I could have helped myself more if I had continued writing. I just… couldn’t. I didn’t know there was so much hate in the world, and I didn’t know how to face it. I am here now, working and living the Steps again. And if you do know who I am, I remind you to respect my anonymity. In here I am simply “Wren.”

Thank you.