Ten Day Rule
Again, I have wanted to write on here for a while, but if it’s not one thing it’s another. Since my last entry I have seen the orthopedic surgeon, the oncologist here in town, received my results from genetic testing, started physical therapy, had a mammogram, a bone density, seen the oncologist in Boston and the Bariatric surgeon for the hernia repair – again. Oh, and I went on an OA retreat!
What do you want to know first? Shall we just go in order? Fine. The orthopedic surgeon says my right hip pain is not caused from cancer or inflammation. This means we can go ahead with the hernia repair. He says it does not look like what he usually sees in a loosened replacement. So, we still don’t know what is causing the pain. He gave me a shot of cortisone in the hip and I see him again June 11.
My local oncologist was more concerned with my emotional pain than my physical pain this visit. However, it is known that the time AFTER cancer treatment can be more difficult for some patients than during. We look fine, our hair has grown back, yet our bodies and psyches are still battling the pain and fatigue of treatment.
Genetic testing all came back negative for anything out of the ordinary! This cancer was indeed a fluke! I am sure my relatives are all relieved as well.
I began physical therapy with the STAR Program® (Survivorship Training and Rehab) at a nearby facility. I was given a pedometer to help me get over my fear of walking too far. When my legs stopped working in the airport last month I guess I got real scared. The hope is by using this pedometer I will realize that I can walk farther than I think. It is helping and I am able to enjoy my yard and gardening more.
I had my last mammogram before I was diagnosed with cancer last year. That seems real hard to believe. So this was my first one post cancer, and yes, it was difficult. And yes, it was clear, just like all the other ones I have ever had.
My bone density scan does show early bone thinning known as osteopenia.
Next I saw the surgeon again about the hernia repair. This was fun. I like to pretend I never had bariatric surgery. However, in 2002 I had the full Roux-en-y gastric bypass. I lost weight at the beginning and went from 414 to about 280. But it didn’t work for me because the disease is in my head, heart and soul, and I grazed my way back up to 380 lbs. Overeaters Anonymous is what has allowed me to give away my excess baggage – physical and emotional. Anyway, it is a good thing that I am seeing a bariatric surgeon since the reality is I have had bariatric surgery. Before he does the hernia repair I will have an upper GI to see what is happening with the surgery. I have been suffering with reflux and vomiting. I also mentioned that since I had the surgery I have not been able to eat healthy food. Raw vegetables and brown rice make me vomit, but I can eat all the processed foods I want. And I did. Hopefully we will find something he can fix besides the hernia (fingers crossed.) Upper GI will be next week; the surgery will be the week after – June 17th, maybe.
Yesterday I headed out to Boston to see my favorite second opinion oncologist. He is sorry I am in so much pain still. But he loves that I am in remission – “It makes them look good!” He told me again about the “10 day rule:” if I feel a new pain, wait 10 days. If it gets worse call a doctor, if not let it be. I can relate to this, it is how I learned to handle panic attacks while driving; only it was 10 seconds with sounds and smells, not 10 days.
I have noticed with cancer that even when the actual tumors are removed, the disease seems to remain – in the psyche. The word just takes hold and begins to spread… I was in a meeting the other day and someone asked, “How does not picking up the food restore me to sanity? I just don’t get it. What does God have to do with that?” I realize that God restores me to sanity when I am in the moment. A few weeks ago I was struggling with worrying about sliding back into my depression AND fearing the future. I had noticed myself doing the same ol’ character defects that I thought had been transformed into nice healthy useful ones. Fear. Worry. Control. Indecision. In the past I would have just eaten my favorite binge foods to cover these feelings up. But since I am abstinent and choosing to feel my feelings, I wasn’t having a pleasant time.
How did I get through this? By getting up each day and reading and writing and sharing with others some of what I was feeling. By going to meetings. Even though I didn’t feel a conscious contact with God, I still knew there was an “unconscious contact” with God. As I once heard, “That cord between us may become tattered and frayed, but it will never break.”
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