Thank you all for allowing me to speak my truth yesterday. I have a couple of things I want to just touch on about what I said: First, before I wrote yesterday I was confused. I knew I was angry, but I still think that is one of those “unallowable” emotions. Let’s be real, I thought ALL emotions were the character defects that were to be removed in Steps 6 & 7, but anger was the biggy. But now I know that it is not the emotion, it is what I do with it that is so important. Anyway, by writing it out yesterday I was able to let the anger go and see where I need to do more work. Easy? No. Simple? Yes.
The other thing I got to analogizing yesterday was Anger and cancer. Like a disease, anger used to get in my body and take over. It begins to multiply and divide with no regard to the host – me. It takes over my mind until all I can think about is “what the other person /god did to me.” It can eat at my organs, my bones, my digestive tract, my nervous system. We know anger turned inward is depression. I certainly know this. I ate at my anger to over 400 pounds!
Why am I so afraid to let God know I am angry with him? My minister says God likes to hear us ask for help. I like to believe God likes a good discussion. Yes, I said discussion, give AND take. Talk AND listen. Remember, in the 12-Steps, we are able to choose a Higher Power of our own understanding. If the one I describe does not work, create your own. If the God you knew from childhood does not work, write yourself a want-ad for a new one. Wanted: a Higher Power to love human being unconditionally with no judgment, rules, criticism or small print. Must have wonderful sense of humor, no sarcasm please (but able to take it.) Large arms for hugging. Able to change species, gender, age, and size at discretion of human. Long white beard and throne optional. Patience a must!
For me, Step 2 is all about my relationship with God. It is constantly growing and changing. After all, the OA program is all about relationships, so it makes sense. So yes, I let him know when I am angry, when I feel alone and abandoned by him. These conversations don’t have to make sense. No one else is going to hear them. God knows what I mean. And a really cool side benefit is, as I have learned to trust God not to hurl lightning bolts – or leave. I can trust that it is okay for me to get angry with <gasp> human beings and they have not left me either. In fact, some have come back.
Since yesterday, the emotional pain has lessened tremendously. The physical pain quite a bit: partly because of natural bodily movements; partly because of the emotional pain lessening; and partly because, as much as I can, I am breathing deeply into my relationship with God. 
Wren's Home 